Regular smoothies connote images of active lifestyles and day-seizing kind of individuals. The types of sick people that don’t hit the snooze button 7 times before dragging their sorry selves out of bed. Boozy smoothies connote images of why those snooze-button hitters needed those extra minutes of sleep so goddamn badly.
And after all, isn’t that all a piña colada is – a boozy smoothie that fools us with words like “coconut milk” and “fresh pineapple” into thinking that the rest of the day isn’t going to be completely squandered? Don’t worry about the day being a total loss though; you’ll still be able to check “make homemade piña coladas” off your to-do list.
BA’s Best: Piña Colada
Taken directly from BA’s Best arsenal, with the most minor of tweaks here and there
½ a pineapple, peeled and cut into 1 ½ -inch chunks
7 oz sweetened cream of coconut (I used this one – it was in the drinks aisle of the store)
3 oz full-fat coconut milk
8 oz white rum
2 oz fresh lime juice
3 cups ice
2 oz dark rum (optional)
Maraschino cherries and lime wedges, for serving
Place the pineapple chunks into a plastic freezer bag and lay the pieces flat in the freezer. Freeze until solid, at least 3 hours.
Prior to opening and measuring the cream of coconut and coconut milk, shake both liquids in their cans/bottles. Place the frozen pineapple in a blender along with the cream of coconut, coconut milk, white rum, lime juice, and ice. Puree until very smooth. Transfer the blender cup to the freezer and freeze until the piña colada has thickened to the consistency of a milkshake.
Place the blender back on the base and blend to the perfect slushy consistency. Divide the drink mixture among 4 of your fanciest glasses. Float the dark rum on top of the slush, if using. Garnish with cherries, lime wedges, and a kitschy-ass umbrella. Decide that it’s a great idea to finally message that person from high school you’ve been Facebook creeping for the last 10 years. Nap until dinner.